Went out running today. It’s a fairly rare occurence, seeing as I have hated sports and the likes since I was a child (the only subject I’ve ever failed was PE).
So, i was out in the park, with all the other sporty types (if only they knew my secret..) and all of a sudden it hit me. In the political movement I see myself as part of, feminism, we often speak about privilege and there is this saying “check your privilege”, meaning make sure you know where you are coming from and recognise that you stand at a point of privilege that many other do not etc. And today, I had this kind of natural checking of my privilege. I looked around, whilst sweating and trying to keep up to my zombie running app (seems to be the only thing that can make me put my gear on and get my ass in the track. Zombies.) and I realised how fucking lucky I am.
My legs can carry me around a park, walking running or sprinting.
My whole body is healthy and strong and working in every way it should.
My mind might have it’s ups and downs with anxiety and depression and the likes, but most the time, it works. And my battles are not even half or a third or a tenth or a hundreth of what some other people have to deal with daily. And I’m clever and I’m imaginative and creative and I make myself laugh.
I’m running in a park filled with people walking dogs, kids playing football and running around exploring and elderly couples having a morning stroll and families feeling the sun on their backs and there is no army here. There are no shotguns, there are no bombs, there are no air raids or chemical weapons. And it might seem obvious and natural, but for a lot of people in the world, it’s just not. They can’t go out running in the park, they can’t walk a dog or take their kid footballing and exploring. Sometimes they can’t leave their house for the fear that if they do, they might never come back.
And I run, and look around, and then I run back to a loving boyfriend, in a safe, cosy flat filled with food and creativity and love and clothes and books and all I can think is that I am so damn lucky.
And I know this probably comes off as all self-righteous bullshit, but it’s genuinely how I feel.
There is a lot right now.
Studying sociology and political science, side by side. Nannying 15 hours a week. Working on the weekends. Trying to fit in all the creativity that my mind craves to stay sane in the time in between as well as spending time on my relationship.
Sorry baby-blog, I’ll give you some time at a later date. When I’ve landed and all that…